Why Can't You Say That You Love Me?
by Fairie Daggers
Summary: LJ. Not your basic lovehate story. Through the pov of lily in her diary


**Hey everyone! Just a little reminder, this is not my first fic, but I do think it's my best. I really love comments ( but I don't beg for them hehe) and I don't even mind "constructive critism" lol. So just tell me what you think and I'll be a happy camper! ****

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Disclaimer: You pretty much know how these go... Anything you recognize isn't mine. It's that simple.**

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**August 29th 1980 - Friday **

**6:15 am**

Well Diary… Wait… How lame is "diary"… Why don't I call you… The book that holds all the secrets of Lily Evans, and if anyone reads this Lily is dead. TBTHATSOLE, AIARTLID for short.

Let's start with the obvious. My name is Lily Evans. In two days, I start my sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Today, I'm going shopping with my best friend Emilie in Diagon Alley, where I pray that we don't run into James Potter and his crew: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew.

Ok, James Potter - The ringleader. Most girls view him as a super hot Quidditch player with an awesome bod. I would define him as more of an obnoxious twit who is trying to ruin my life. Oh, you think I'm being unfair, don't you? Well, I definitely have my reasons.

Reason number one why I think that James Potter is an obnoxious twit who is trying to ruin my life: After Christmas my fourth year at Hogwarts (I had finally grown out of that "awkward" stage) James started to notice me. We hung out in the Gryffindor (both of us represent the house of the lion) common room all the time, and some times he would take me out of rides on his broomstick (the Arrow 2007 was the best there was and James ALWAYS has to have the best, but I'm getting ahead of myself; more on that later.). We had a lot of fun (even though he was a fifth year) and he never pressured me to do anything I didn't want to do. He was even counting down the days 'til summer when we could start dating (he wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend during the school year because his parents didn't want a girl affecting his grades. At least that's the lie he told me.).

The something weird happened. He told me he was going to the End of the Year Dance (fifth years and up) with a girl named Stacey Garza, but "just as friends". Now, I know what you're thinking, "poor Lily, dropped in the dirt so James can be with Stacey." Well, you're half right.

Another name kept coming up in our conversations. That name was July Beard. July was a seventh year (as opposed to Stacey's sixth year status) and James kept telling me that he was "going up on her friends list." That didn't bother me at the time, but it should have sent up red flags. As it turns out, James went to the dance with Stacey, but left with July.

After that, the week before exams in fact, James kept avoiding me. He wouldn't even acknowledge me when we were around each other. I would send him countless WWMs (Wizarding Wide Messages: you have this little notebook that you buy from Wizarding Wide Cooperation and write the "address" (ex. mine is liltgr-in-hgwts) of another person with a WWM notebook, write the message beneath the "address", and watch it disappear as it sends to the receiver.) asking what I had done to make him so mad at me that he wouldn't talk to me.

Finally, the Sunday night before the final exams, I got a WWM back saying that I hadn't done anything wrong, but July "didn't want to share him." I was devastated, to say the least, and stayed up all night. I had to be escorted from every one of my exams because I couldn't stop crying (now, I know what you're thinking, "Oh come on and quit being so pathetic. Get on with your life!" You've got to understand that James was more than a boyfriend figure. Losing him was like losing a best friend.). I had to be sent home during the exams for a week because none of the calming potions that Madame Adams (the head nurse) had in the infirmary would work on me. She thought that relaxing at home would do me much better than being stressed at school.

She didn't know the real problem. No one knew. No one knows now. That's why I'm writing this, to get it all out and finally tell someone.

So, pretty much, James Potter ruined my summer, a lot of friendships I had ( I was having MAJOR trust issues), and my family thought I was crazy because I would barely eat, sleep, or do much of anything other than lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling.

The second reason I think that James Potter is an obnoxious twit who is trying to ruin my life is because when I had to go home for that week in my fourth year, James spread a rumor that I had been sent to St. Mungo's mental ward. When I got back for that last week of school (to retake the exams I had freaked out during) people were calling me psycho and asking how everyone at St. Mungo's was. I was so confused until Emilie told me what everyone was talking about. That almost made me have another break down, but I held it together for the remainder of the school year.

Speaking of Em, here she is in that new car her parents got her (her mom is a witch and her dad is a muggle so she gets a dose of both worlds, unlike me, with both parents muggle). Well, I'll finish this wonderful tale when I return from shopping! Ta ta for now TBTHATSOLE, AIARTLID!


End file.
